Dealing with change and challenging emotions

Student psychologist and Shout text support service coach, James, shares his experience on winding down and coping with impending change. He also includes amazing techniques and grounding practices from his clinical background 

Coping with change.

Change, for many, is one of the most difficult constants in life. It can feel like you’ve finally got everything figured out, are comfortable with how things are and what’s expected of you, then it’s all brought into question when change occurs. Going through this cycle can be incredibly draining, daunting, and demanding.

So how do you cope?

Well, it can help to take a moment to remind yourself why you’re facing the change. There’s a reason for everything we do and reminding ourselves of that - and what we’re either currently working towards or getting closer to - can help us get through the difficult times.

When I didn’t get a sabbatical role, I ran for just before graduating, I decided that change was inevitable, and it was down to me to decide what purpose it served; furthering my career or following my interests and energisers. After years of talking about being a clinical psychologist I decided on the latter. A change of direction can be scary but reminding ourselves of why things are different now can ground us when worries start to take hold.

Stay grounded and positive.

Another approach is having something or someone that helps you be grounded in positive times or your motivations. Whether it’s a teddy (yes, you’re still allowed them) which reminds you of someone you love who gifted it to you, a photo reminding you of the amazing times you had with people you’re just waiting to see again or even a dinosaur model reminding you of your determination to become a palaeontologist (other careers are available!).  

Ups and downs.

After years of saving, I’m finally in a position to be able to buy my first home and that’s incredibly exciting. However, it has also been incredibly complicated and as a result, I have had to change the property I’m buying,11 months after it all began. The change I’m facing isn’t just where I’ll be calling home and what that will look like, but when I will finally experience it. After investing so much emotion into it, it felt so close and yet so far away at the same time. When I’m struggling, I take a moment to look at what I’m getting closer to - a space that has what I need, will be mine to express who I am and there for me to have people around that I can’t wait to catch up with.

The calm amidst a storm.

It’s easy to get lost in the overwhelming nature of the emotions we feel. They’re incredibly powerful and at times can start to feel too much to manage. Whether it’s discomfort around heading home during summer break; anxiety about not knowing anyone in a room full of people at an end of term party; or self-doubt about your worth to be where you are, these are big things to carry. This is where you want to know what helps you find calm amidst a storm. For me this can be listening to instrumental music or film soundtracks. They provide a melodic space where I can start off feeling what has come up for me and then get lost in the trajectory of what I’m listening to.

Setting goals.

Once you feel equipped to face the challenging emotions that might come up, it can help to set some goals that are manageable. Short term goals or small steps can often be dismissed quickly, but really help. Imagine you’re standing at a river that’s 20 metres wide. Your only way across is the stones in front of you and you have two routes: one is made up of five stones four metres apart. The other included 50 stones just 40cm apart. Taking the route of fewer stones but longer distances can drain our energy, slow us down and cause more strain to us in the process. More stones and a shorter distance can help things feel more secure and build momentum that carries us across them quicker than we might have imagined.

Don’t hold yourself back.

I did this recently at my best friend's engagement party. I knew few people there and needed to chat and get to know new people. That’s not quite my biggest strength. So instead of holding myself to only talking to people if I had an idea of the many different things I could say, I started with hello. From there, taking that first step, conversation grew and progressed. The end point you’re trying to reach is likely to be amazing for many reasons but don’t hold yourself back from expecting yourself to do so much so soon.

Trust yourself.

In life you can’t resist change. It happens with or without us but what we are in control of is how we respond to it so take some time, think about what you want, how you can get it, and trust yourself. You’re of worth and you can face life’s challenges. Just remember to give yourself time and space when you need it. 

If you're finding things tough, text SHOUT to 85258 or visit the SHOUT website